I blog therefore I remember

s

[Francisco Goya, Saturn Devouring his Son, 1819. ]

One day, I was tired from playing in the woods. I found him in a quiet open space. He was tall and he gave good shade. I fell asleep on his legs. The dreams were sweet.

I woke up and opened my eyes. I could not see his face. I could only hear him talking to me. He told me everything about himself, how genuine he was to me, how tall he wanted to grow and how far he wanted to reach. But I could not live on his words. I wanted to go out with him, watch movies with him, hold him to sleep. I needed something more substantial and real. I needed to see his face and kiss his eyes which I could never do because of the distance between us.

He seriously told me: he wanted to be the tallest tree on earth, and if I wanted to be with him, I had to be just as tall. But I wasn't a tree. I was a puppy. I was cute, curious and athletic but I could never reach his level. We're just different species. I asked him: why did you want to grow this tall? He said: this's for my future wife and kids.

I knew I could not be his future wife and kids because I was a puppy. I could only be his puppy. But obviously he didn't need a puppy. He wanted height instead. He wanted the "high" that could secure him a fantasy where he's above everything and his future wife and kids could enjoy it with him.

He grew taller and taller. Seeing his face's just a harder and harder thing to do. I wandered around and around to try to find a position where I could see him again but I never succeeded. He blocked me out from himself. He's leaving me further and further.

I had no choice but leaving him. I heard him crying, lonely and sad behind me when I walked away from him. But I knew he wasn't crying for me and he never really loved me. The "me" he thought he was in love with was only an imagery, for he had never seriously seen my real face before either. He's another Narcissus.